Sara Jeanne’s version of the alleged Grandmother Mitchell’s oatmeal cookies

Note: As Sara Jeanne says, this is an “adapted and modified” recipe and she and she alone is responsible for all the trash talk in this recipe

6 sticks of real salted butter (not that fake stuff)
3 cups of firmly packed organic brown sugar
1 1/2 cups granulated organic “kind of white but not real white ’cause it’s organic” sugar
6 brown organically raised range free eggs (the big ones of course)
1/4 cup of Mexican vanilla (it’s a lot but it’s worth it)
4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons of baking soda (not the container from the fridge)
5 teaspoons of cinnamon (a lot but it smells incredible)
2 teaspoons of nutmeg (subtle but sublime)
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt (We’re God’s people for God’s sake)
1 Huge 2 lb. 10 oz. container of Old Fashioned Quaker Oats (not the quick or the insant kind)
1 Big old box of raisins (you know, like 4 inches high) or Crasins are great
As many pecans as you can afford. 4-6 cups of pecans or walnuts (when you use craisins use walnuts for a cleaner, crisper, lighter flair with a sharp after-bite). Politically incorrect comment has been deleted because Sara Jeanne has decided she will not discuss politics any more.

Heat your oven to 400 degrees. Beat the butter and sugars in that huge Kitchenaid mixer until creamy. Add the eggs and vanilla, and mix.

In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt with a fork until you think it’s incorporated and then mix it some more for about 30 seconds. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the egg/sugar stuff and mix on low. Add raisins or craisins and mix well. Add the oats a little at a time. This is where it gets tricky. Just add enough to mix it in slowly. Stop when your mixing bowl is about to overflow and cause an electric over-load in the West Texas grid. Transfer the cookie mixture to a very large roasting pan and slowly by hand (with gloves or zip lock baggies on your hands) mix in the rest of the oats. Don’t wipe your nose at this point. Add the nuts and mix it together, packing it down and compressing the dough into a big tight mound. You want really stiff dough because the end result will be be a little tiny mound of a cookie that will make you slap your pappy. A flat cookie is your enemy, it lacks soul.

Take a soup spoon and dig enough dough to make a ball in the palm of your hand. Place on a cookie sheet, the heavier the better. I like the Pampered Chef baking stone and a big cast iron pan. That really bakes the bottom well. Bake for ONLY 13-15 minutes (no more!) and remove. They need to be a dark golden brown because the interior dough should be soft and done. Place on a piece of the El Paso Times or Denver City Press to cool. Don’t use the Houston Chronicle because they will instantly develop mold, completely fall apart, and weep without cause. While they are hot coax them back into a little mound. That makes them hold together when times get tough. Cool for about 30 minutes and then flip them over so that the bottoms can dry out a bit. Take a load off and sit down and cool off. You’ve been at it for about 4 hours. Pour yourself a big glass of milk or a glass of wine if you happen to be Mimi.